Constant Reader reacts: Sexpectations

I will preface this post with a moment of pride.
My daughter is seven years old. We'll call her C. She loves acting and singing and recently auditioned for a local production of Grease, which will be her third full-length production of her young acting career.
Last night we found out that she was cast as Danny Zuko, one of the two leads of the play (the other being Danny's partner, Sandy).
My daughter was so thrilled she couldn't take her hands from her face. Her cheeks were bright red and she wanted to delay telling me, to savor the joy and draw out the suspense, but her fellow actors betrayed their own excitement and burst upon me, all screeching, "She's Danny! C's going to be our Danny!" My eyes filled with tears and excitement and I found myself embracing all those little actors and actresses and hearing their excited declarations of their own parts. My daughter has acted with several of these budding stars in the past so we have grown to know each other and to share in their excitement over this rather thrilling day, the day the parts are announced!

Our joy was shortly quelled with something that at first confused and puzzled me, then caused me, I must be honest, a bit of frustration lending itself toward rage. How disappointing to have society reveal itself in this manner. And how utterly deflating to realize I, once again, ever naive, was operating under the notion within the little bubble of my life and my own home, that we as a society have progressed further than we actually have.

Helen Merino [female] playing the male, heterosexual Prince of Denmark in Shakespeare's Hamlet.

I have been SHOCKED how many people have responded with "Are you okay with her playing a boy??" and "Is she okay playing a boy?" I feel I must comment on this, as I received this comment far more frequently than I would have expected. Even C's acting director who was responsible for casting, emailed me ahead of announcing the roles to ensure I was "okay with her playing a boy." I have to say I'm a bit disappointed in hearing this. In defense of the director, I know she's a progressive thinker or she wouldn't have considered Caddie for the role in the first place, and I'm sure she was testing the waters as to whether her decision would result in some small-minded gender-ignorant parental meltdown akin to, "no son of mine is a sissy!"

Grrrr....

My daughter wanted this part so badly she literally dreamed about it, though her premonition as to who would play Sandy was inaccurate. ;-) We downloaded the Grease soundtrack from itunes and she was practicing the song "Grease Lightning" every day to and from school. She's an incredible actor and a male role is certainly within her range. She's played a sea witch octopus, a genie, and a lion [the latter two being male....]! Surely a challenge within her own species is something she can handle. I am just a bit saddened that we, as a society, continue to segregate on gender lines, especially our children. I thought the days of pink and blue were over. But, in all honesty, I know better. It's the #1 reason why ultrasounds are done, to determine the sex of the baby. "How could we possibly prepare for the birth of our child if we didn't know the sex?" (dripping sarcasm here, obviously).

My daughter has never been limited, at home, because of her sex. I realize that she's a member of society, and she's touched by the ignorant expectations of those around her. She is not naive to that. As I think about this... the first announcement I heard from one of her fellow child actors was, "She's a boy!" The categorization of children begins prenatally by gender. Of course children are aware of this. C has been encouraged to be, very literally, WHATEVER she wants to be. I am very proud of her. If her playing Danny Zuko is another stand necessary in society to drop these rigid gender norms, then I applaud her even more, because that is LONG overdue. We are a progressive culture, full of diversity, but also full of similarities. Gender is a fluid notion, it is not black and white, and it is not tied directly to sexuality. I was assured that the "romance" of the play had been removed when I was asked whether my daughter could play the male lead. I am saddened that the director felt the need to assure me of this. Why should that matter? Some fear that my female child would play a love interest to another female child? Bravo if she does! Homophobia is not allowed in my house either. I am disappointed in our Puritanical culture. Please recall the 1500s and 1600s in England when the birth of modern theater as we know it was in full bloom, and some of the greatest love stories and tragedies of all time, that forever formed the precedent of all to follow, were written by the great William Shakespeare and his colleagues and were performed ENTIRELY by male casts as it was ILLEGAL for females to grace the stage with their lovely presence. The most passionate and heart-wrenching love story of all time, Romeo and Juliet, was enacted by two males, and convincingly so! Think how this play has set the precedent for all romance since, particularly the beloved concepts of star-cross'd lovers. I am proud that my daughter has turned the tables on the restrictions of women across time, turned it on its head! Not only is she gracing the stage with her incredible talent, but she is playing a MALE. The males who auditioned, despite their sex, did not bring the talent and ability to this audition that C did. I am damn proud of that, that she played this male better than the biological males!? Oh, Heaven wept, what a scandal! I am proud that she has gained a sense of equality from her mother and those we surround ourselves with, and that she is not limited by her sex due to the "sexpectations" of a society still locked in archaic Puritanical philosophy.

We need to stop saying that we want our children to be happy; that we want them to be anything they can be. Stop SAYING it, and actually DO it.

In the immortal words of Noel Coward from his play Design for Living:

"You're making a mistake in daring to disapprove of something that has nothing to do with you whatsoever."