Awesome "The Guild" quotes

Okay, I could pretty much just copy the entire script. This show is brilliantly written. And Codex, Clara and Bladezz are totally hot, but, come one, Vork's vocabulary is seriously knee-weakening.

Season 1

Bladezz: Oh my god, you're nursing right now? That's totally hot!
Clara: I know, right?!
Bladezz: Anyone else getting their nipples sucked right now?

Our keyboard chemistry is undeniable. - Zaboo

I know every floor plan of every place you've ever lived. Floor plann'd. - Zaboo

I guess I don't really cope well... with... anything. ... You can't log off of your own life. - Codex

Ugh. I hate poo. - Clara

Codex: Hey, that is not cool. My dad ... turned gay.
Clara: And her ex-boyfriend too.

Codex: Clara, when is the last time you hung out with someone over the age of four?
Clara: Like before I started breeding?

We need a course of action to deal with Bladezz and his behavioral problems. It'll be more distracting in person. Also... I don't wanna. - Vork

I didn't budget for social activities this month. - Vork

Your breasts are very pillowy. - Zaboo

Zaboo: I don't know. I didn't have to research him, okay? Back off... lady. ... 's our first fight. ... Maybe we'll have make-up sex later or -
Codex: No.
Zaboo: ...not.

I'm a Hinjew. It's like, part Hindu, part Jew. - Zaboo

Clara: I'm Clara; real name: Clara. I tried an alias on another name but my kid picked it up and he started calling me "mominatrix"... my husband got pissed.

I'm sorry. .. Lied to my own webcam. - Codex

I'm a violinist. You know, former child prodigy. ... Now I'm old. - Codex

Oops. Woody'd. - Zaboo

Ooh. I was in a sorority. I'm super into vagina loyalty. - Clara

I finally convinced him your homely charm is not worth throwing his life away for. - Mrs. Zaboo

And why make me defile everyone? It's against my alliance! - Vork

I don't mean to be self-centered, but this is a real break-through moment for me. - Codex

You mean I'm watching your sperm blossoms because you're training to be a stripper?! - Tink

I don't have gas money for that! - Vork

I want to get back on a regular gaming schedule. All this walking around... making my back hurt! - Vork

Bladezz, nipple negotiations aside... - Vork

Well, I gotta check the hygiene before I hit it. I said I was sorry. - Zaboo

What'll it be? Repent, or rape?! - Vork

She breast-fed me til I was eleven, so, there's no escape. - Zaboo

How many unemployed people have you arranged to gang up on me? - Mrs. Zaboo

He tried a suicide because of you. No screenshot, but, trust me, it happened. - Bladezz

I'm sorry I was douchey to you guys. It's just hard being exploited 'cause I'm all hot n stuff. - Bladezz

Season 2

Who knew? Somehow 'you break it; you bought it' applies to humans too. - Codex

It reeks of brisket! so it's hard to focus. - Zaboo

He was totally smothering me. He called me like two times last week. - Tink

Warning: Women in general only yield short-term returns. They are not a suitable vehicle for long-term investments. Also, in my experience, very low drop rate. All I can say is, having fun grinding. - Vork

Clara: The point is: Lie. And good things will happen.

I'm not used to getting hit on very much. - Codex

Being a girl is so much work! - Codex

When Codex sees my curves, she's gonna be enamored. - Zaboo

Hey, let's you and me go wrestle. Or shoot things. Or javelin. Archery. Golf! Anything phallic, some sort of phallic sport. Let's do chest-bumping! MEN! - Zaboo

You just have to pick the right tool for the right job. And, believe me, they're all tools. - Tink

Sometimes getting laid is more important than killing an orc. - Tink

This harassment is neutering my business hours! - Vork

I don't participate in shoddy craftsmanship! Use the stencil! Do it! - Dina

Why are you dressed like a harlot? - Vork

I've been working on myself 24/2. - Zaboo

Clara: That anus face! I'll show him to reject my best friend in the whole entire world.

How'd you beat me?! You have the street smarts of a cartoon princess! - Bladezz

Season 3... coming soon!

Season 4

"Oh my god... I really am a ho bag? . . . I'm not a slut, I'm not, I really am a good girl" - Codex

"I'm a priest, I have a virtual reputation to uphold" - Codex

"No one in the world will find that interesting." - Vork

"So by the end of the week, I'll have a new computer, and be innocuously broken-up in a face-saving manner" - Codex

"The important question is 'can I get a discount on foodstuffs? Namely, discounted to free.'" - Vork

"That's urine... from my penis." - Vork

Zaboo: How many languages do you know, dude?
Vork: All of them.

"Gah! I'm such a slow thinker." - Codex

"My mother's dead. Employing her as Miss September would simply be inappropriate." - Vork

"Why would you not want your meat cut into bite-sized amenable pieces?" - Vork

"Wait a minute, you might be of use to me! I'm shocked!" - Vork

Fawkes: This is indeed a meta- meta-moment.
Codex: I guess. It was barely fun while it didn't last.

"Hold on a minute, woman. I don't know where your fingers have been." - Vork

"I was visualizing custom gargoyles with my face super-imposed, but that dream is slipping from my grasp." -Vork

"Codex, you're so wily. Like that coyote what-his-thingie." -Clara

This mask is tightening up over my face! Man, I'd never put this on another part of my body. Well, maybe. - Zaboo

I got it from this guy that does fan art. The likenesses are pret-ty special. - Zaboo

Sweat shops don't DO refunds. - Tink

Zaboo, your mom is obsessed with me. This morning, she wanted to go on a walk with no discernible destination. Completely baffling! - Vork

Oh my god, my thinking cap just gave me a great idea! - Clara

 I wish I had a working computer, I could look up what that word really means. - Codex

If that happens, I'm going to replace all my organs with clockwork and sell myself to a steam punk museum. - Zaboo

The very thought of marrying this woman makes my prostate throb. - Vork

Mentally i'm in hospice, waiting to die. Numb. So Numb. - Vork

A verbal offer of marriage is a contractual obligation! - Vork

I'm too delicate for jail time. - Codex

Business words aren't fun when you say them. - Clara

Codex: It kinda looks like a prison.
Vork: You're welcome.

This is a nightmare level. Just CTL+ALT+DEL me. - Zaboo

Chapter 5

I'm the cheesy pirate guy. I'm a meme! - Bladezz

First person to flatulate sleeps in the hall. - Vork
[I love that he doesn't use the abhorrent 4-letter F-word. Heart you, Vork]

What? Why didn't you say anything? Do it now! Worst idea EVER! - Clara

A guy's not gonna pass on anything with a lady hole. - Bladezz

I'm gonna have as much fun as federal warning labels allow! - Clara

I don't want any losers from my past spotting me and wanting to *shudder* catch up. - Tink

You guys don't want to expand your geek mind? Fine! I'll go solo. Hans soloed. - Zaboo

How more obvious could I be? My vagina was practically in my hand! - Codex

Pray you become an orphan. - Vork

Bruce Wayne would never be so fiscally irresponsible. - Vork

You're a woman reaching the end of her fertile cycle. This desperate biological imperative is driving you to seek a genomic legacy. Nothing more. - Vork

Love is nothing more than bastardized biology. Haven't you seen 'March of the Penguins'? - Vork

Someone drank my sweet juice glass of justice?! - Vork

I just had a dozen dollars idea. - Vork

You're like my sister from another brother-in-law. - Clara

Socks and sandals, DTP, buddy. ... defeats the purpose, like wearing a t-shirt under a bikini. - awesome guy at convention

Fornicate at a later date. - Vork

Yeah. Obviest. - Zaboo

Codex: Do people analyze why magnets work?
Zaboo: Yes... in physics class... like... all the time.

You just need to do it already. I'll watch. - Bladezz

Meme-on-demand at your service. - Bladezz

It might squeeze my baby's head into a weird shape but it'll pop back so, sure! Sew me up. - Clara

I mean, Angelina Jolie is one of my five, you know, people you can have sex with, even if you are in a relationship, but I consider her to be the exception. - Codex

I'm equally unfond of everyone. - Vork